I have a bit of an angry streak. It used to be more of a canvas, but now it’s just a streak. Over the last ten years I’ve spent a lot of effort and energy on not allowing my anger to turn into broken things and broken people.
All in all it’s worked.
There is that streak though. A piece of me that has been quite stubborn in its refusal to leave — a part of me that remains at the ready.
Lots of people have had lots of options about how I should handle it. Meditation, therapy, tapping, soul retrieval, prayer, and medication have all been offered as a means to rid me of my anger.
None of it worked.
Most of them threw up their hands, frustrated and disgusted with my “lack of effort”, some told me I was broken, and others quietly retreated because they were in way over their heads and they knew it.
I was a fantastic case study.
Since I couldn’t seem to get rid of this persistent streak of anger, I tried to hide it. I tried to eat it away, bore it to death, and over-ride it with positive thoughts and affirmations. And there it stood, bright and bold as it’s ever been.
It seemed to be mocking me.
As a last ditch effort, I had sat down and had a chat with it. Here’s roughly how it went —
Me: What do we do?
Me: Yeah, what do we do about this?
Anger: About what?
Me: About you. And me.
Anger: What’s wrong with you and me?
Me: You’re not supposed to be here.
Anger: Why not?
Me: It’s unhealthy.
Anger: *lifts her eyebrows*
Anger: Who says it’s unhealthy?
Me: Yeah, you know, society and thought leaders and therapists. Them.
Anger: What do they know about us.
Me: Well … nothing really.
Anger: What do they care about us?
Me: They don’t.
Anger: Let me get this straight, you are trying to break up with me based on opinions coming from people who don’t know you and don’t care about you. Is that about right?
Me: When you put it that way.
Anger: Fuck them. There’s nothing wrong with us.
Me: It’s okay to have anger?
Anger: *rolls her eyes*
Me: I’m new here, take it easy on me.
Anger: You and I have learned to find each other when the time is right and do what we need to do. And, as far as I can tell you’re okay with that.
Me: Yeah, I’m way okay with that.
Anger: So, what’s they problem?
Me: The only problem is the problem they have with us.
Me: And fuck them.