I Thought Worry Was Required

I had one of those moments this morning. Some call it an AH-HA! moment, I call it a well would you just fucking look at that moment.

Whatever you call it, it has this universal ability to drop out of nowhere, easy as you please, as if it has been the most obvious thing in the world.

My moment this morning was worry is not required.

All my life I believed if I did not worry about something, I didn’t care about it. And not caring about it is irresponsible. And irresponsibility is a grave sin that will cause all things to fail dramatically.

Like if I didn’t worry hard enough, I wasn’t even trying to solve the problem.

Naturally, I wanted to solve my problems so I learned to worry really well, all the time. If there were an Adulting Olympics, worry would surely be an event, and I would definitely win a gold medal. And, like any gold medalist, you have to have a solo focus, a mindset that you will do the thing the best — better than all the rest — and use that mindset and focus to develop supportive habits.

I had the focus, mindset, and habits all right. I was determined to crush those problems with all my worry. I’ll show you, problem, I’ll fucking worry you to death. I won’t look away, I won’t rest until I have vanquished the enemy with the power of my worry!

I was a goddam WORRY WARRIOR.

I think you all know how this story goes. It didn’t work. My problems came and went without any care for how hard I worried. Those fucking problems didn’t even give me a second look to see how dedicated I was. Rude.

So this morning I decided to drop the habit of worrying. It wasn’t helping, it wasn’t making anything better or easier. In fact, it made everything worse. I was so focused on being worried enough I couldn’t hear my intuition, I couldn’t see opportunities, I couldn’t feel my inherent worth.

All of this is exhausting and I believed that my problems were exhausting when it was really the worry that was stealing all of my energy. The energy I needed to solve my problems. Fuckn’ A.

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